My Favorite Quotes And Poems

And there you see the distinction between our feelings: had he been in my place and i in his, though i hated him with a hatred that turned my life to gall, i never would have raised a hand against him. You may look incredulous, if you please! I never would have banished him from her society as long as she desired his. The moment her regard ceased, i would have torn his heart out, and drank his blood! But, till then-if you don't believe me you don't know me-till then i would have died by inches before i touched a single hair on his head.
-Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)

If all else perished and He remained; I could continue to be. If all else remained; and he were annihilated. The universe would turn to a mighty stranger. I should not seem apart of it.

-Catherine Earnshaw (Wuthering Heights)

Two words could comprehend my future: Death and Hell. Existence, after losing her, would be hell. I was a fool to fancy for a moment that she valued Edgar Linton’s attachment more than mine. If he could love with all the power in his puny being, he couldnt love in eighty years as much as i could in a day.
-Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)

"Fire and Ice"
Some say the world will end in fire
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But, if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

- Robert Frost

"Nothing Gold Can Stay"
Nature’s first green is gold;
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower
But only so an hour
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

- Robert Frost

"Lost"
One day I will not be
This soul, this flesh, this mind-
I’ll melt into another form
And leave myself behind

My name with quickly disappear: Resolve itself
Into a dew-
I’ll feel no lose for anything
Except the Me that knows of You.

-Nellie Mitchell

These are my favorite quotes and peoms that i can remember from memory. I dont have a photographic memory but this is also how i remember them being written. My new favorite book is Wuthering Heights because it's a hate story rather than a love story. The peoms are by artists who have great prose. Their deeper meanings have helped me with many life lessons. BOTH Peoms and Literature have inspired me to write.

-Erista Battle

Choosing a College

Okay. So. I skipped yesterday. I wanted to dawn on Religion still because there really was a whole bunch I left out. I'm really like a virgin to this whole thing. I just got a facebook! I'm not use to having to update things daily. Twitter would be the death of me. I'm a teenage kid who honestly has better things to do than sit around and tell people what I’m doing every three seconds.

I'd bet a million bucks that Twitter is only famous because Barack Obama got one. He's were I Heard about it from during the election.

Well this is not about Twitter so let’s just move on shall we? So I’ve only posted one blog besides this one and I’m still a little lost. I mean it is probably the best and worst time for me to start one. Right now I’m in the classic struggle in heroic stories 'man vs. self'. Or in my case, woman. Oh and I like to think I’m the hero of my own life. I do great there for I am great. Ha-ha!

Okay so the point is that I’m in the process of deciding what college I want to go to. Seems pretty simple, right? Wrong! I got a basketball scholarship to a school in Iowa right before I graduated but when I got there I didn’t like it. I flew back to Fresno first chance I got. I missed everyone that I knew. I'm a home body most times so it was extremely abnormal for me.

I went to the school shrink to find out that I only liked the idea of going to their school and not really wanting to go. It was the only school that was interested in me. I did want to get out of the house. All the things I convinced myself of. I never actually thought about how much I’d miss everyone and thing about home.

I also have this other thing. My play dad lives here. My own father (we just refer to him as sperm donor in my home) was never really there. Then I started getting close to this old coach of mines. Old as in he use to coach me and not old saying that he's old.

Everyone calls him my dad and he calls me his child. He gives me the father figure and I give him help. He has a son-Jordan- who just happened to want a little sister. When the kid came to visit I got to show him that a big sis was way better. He warmed up to me soon enough. Actually when our dad would play tease me, there he was, defending me. It was very cute. That's not all though. I'm like the daughter he can have with out the complexities of nine months and child support.

The other thing is, well, He hired me to help him coach for the summer. I met a bunch of girls that were completely awesome. I grew attached. So when I left it made it that much harder. That's 15 new people to like along with 7 girls I looked at like my sisters. Then there is my family itself. We are pretty tight nit. My mom and I literally discuss everything. Everything.

Then I have this little brother who is also like my best friend too. We use to walk to far places just to have us time and talk about our new activities. He looks up to me. It was hard to come back because everyone thought he would mistake it for failure. I never thought of it that way but it was in their rebuttal.

When gone I felt so alone like I was at a point of no return. The shrink said that maybe I started off with a bad experience. When I got there I couldn’t open the window and it was ridiculously hot. I began feeling claustrophobic. I had a huge room all to myself and was all alone on my floor for the first two nights. I didn’t have anyone to talk to either. Just my phone calls home. To add on to all of that I detested the place. It was always windy then it'd rained but felt like 90 degrees.

Oh the other thing about me is that I’m kind of nocturnal. I almost never sleep at night. Just last night I didn’t go to sleep until 8:50Am. That’s on California time. Even then it was a struggle to get me down. So I was up at a late night feeling trapped. I'm not the first to throw around the words like love because I don’t believe in it. I only believe that there is a bond between family members. This is why I say girls that are like my sisters because we were that close.

Some more dull things about the place were that they had nothing to do. When I visited they talked about how it was a college town and everything was made especially for that. BS. All they had was a bunch of hills for no reason. When I talked to the shrink she told me normally kids save up and go to Wal-Mart. That's it, that’s all. Which is lame. They had only a bowling alley. Oh and they did the whole fake ids. They had several bars too. Too many bars. And I was and still am only 17 so I couldn’t pull off anything older than that. What was I to do?

Well in general I have to decide where to go with all my new found knowledge in mind. One of those "sisters" is in Oregon right now. We are the only two who actually decided on colleges. She thinks I should go there with her. I want to. I'm conflicted at this point because what if its Iowa Part two. I cant take that again. She is my sister though. I'd at least have someone on the same campus as me. I wouldn’t have to feel alone. We could even drive back together on occasion. That's why its hard. I would feel horribly guilty if I ruined her experience.

The California schools are way too pricey for me, so is Oregon, but at least I could guarantee my education. Here kids are being crammed in just to fit. They are also hiking up fees. It would be better too because I would get the whole independent thing going for me.

When I told the Iowa coach I was leaving she pretty much told me I would be a failure the rest of my life and that I’d never learn to be independent. This was good and bad. It hurt my ego but it gave me a challenge. One thing everyone knows about me is that I LOVE challenges. I live for them.

I also have to make this decision for me. I'm become an adult in a few short weeks. I'll be legally an adult then. I realized in Iowa that I have to live my life for me. In my time there I went because my mom was ubber proud of me. She talked me up to all her friends and everything. I wanted to make her proud. Oh, that, and the fact that just like any 16 year old kid in my situation I signed a letter of intent. That’s a document saying I’ll go to their school to play basketball for this season. I'm technically ineligible for basketball this year because of that.

I was young and eager. Its kind of odd because I’m a paradox. I'm considered very mature for my age. I always have been seen that way. On the other hand I’m also the goofiest person in my bunch.

Everyone was so sure that I’d make friends quick out there because I’m funny. They think I’m modest but I really don’t see how funny I am. I just like making people laugh. I hate when people are sad around me too. One thing all the people I know share in common with me is that we all love to laugh. When I’m not walking around smiling people think I’m depressed or something. I don’t know.

The one person I was going to miss had just got back in my life. One of my sisters-Lei- moved to LA because her mom got remarried. She just moved back and there I was, leaving, again. She's my rock.

I classify all my sisters and myself like we're a single entity. Liyah(Oregon) was our brain always the logical one, Lei was our soul because she was always the one to help with her words of wisdom, Eb(Oregon’s birth little sister) was our feen because she the bad influence but never to dangerous, Ver(My play sister, were super close) is our instincts because she's been through the most so she helps with teaching us what it takes to survive on the streets(She was on them with out telling us), Shugg(My birth sister) is our emotions because she is always showing us how it's okay to be every type of emotion, Dee Dee(My other birth sister) is the hustler because she knows exactly what to do to get what she wants (She's younger but she plays people without anything sexual), and me (dLo, that's my nickname) I’m out heart because I bind us in more ways than one, I’m here to show everyone to laugh live and learn while pumping out everyone’s different trait to the others.

I have to pick the best place for me to learn and grow as an individual. It's hard times but I’m up for the challenges.

-dLo

My Agnostic Beliefs vs well...not wanting to go to hell!!

Hey fellow bloggers,

Well what better way to start my very first blog than talking about my religion. I heard some where that as long as there is religion there will be war. Seems true enough to me. I was raised in a Christian home but turned my self into an agnostic.

I just recently learned that I’m classified as an agnostic after I googled "what is a person who doesn’t believe in "god" yet doesn’t completely rule out that there isn’t one?" I got "Agnostic".

I've never really thought about religion before. When some one asked I always rushed to say Christian. No ifs, ands, or buts. Things changed about my junior year in high school. I was an avid member of Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA). I went to meetings my senior year but still I was conflicted. I stopped going to church when I was younger but I still believed in god.

The thing that had me stumped was how naive people are. As a race of human beings you would think that we'd have more common sense. I mean come on...some things just don’t add up. My greatest doubts or my version of proof comes from Greek Mythology.

Okay, I'm not saying that I believe in the whole several gods deciding who should be blessed but it’s their stories that prove my point. In this day and age a lot of people critic those who believed in that type of stuff and call them ignorant. If we take a minute and really look at how ridiculous Greek stories are then compare them to the bible then they are one in the same. A lot of the things that happened in Greek Mythology are very similar to those in the bible with minimal changes like names, era, and the hierarchy of the character.

In Hercules' story he has to retrieve Hera's forbidden fruit in an attempt to complete his 12 labors. (For those who are not clued in to this story, essentially Hercules is hated by his fathers wife so much that she sends him grief to kill his own family on earth, in that time to redeem himself he has to do 12 labors to be forgiven) This is directly linked to the forbidden fruit in the bible's story of Adam and Eve. Another relation between the two is that Hercules was the son of the god of gods like Jesus is said to be the son of god in Christianity. More interesting than that is that when Hercules finished his 12 labors he didn’t feel the guilt lift so he did the only possible thing. He killed himself for his sins, thus making him fully immortal and allowed him to go to Olympus with his father. This story ringing any bells? The only slight change is that Jesus died for our sins (hypothetically).

The two "Gods" even share a similarity. Zeus was said to change forms to get women pregnant. It is never said if the Christian god is a spirit or what ever but he technically did the same thing for Mary.

My notion is that if people could come up with stories like Hercules having to hold the entire world over his head then how can I honestly believe that some guy turned water to wine or that there is a god? My fear of going to hell, if there is one, is the only thing that stops me from claiming atheism.

Hell! My next specimen of proof. In the time of Greek gods-Hades was the ruler of the under world. Taturus is what we now perceive is hell but still it was a place no one wanted to go. There are numerous stories of people trying to escape it even to this day. No one wants to die. Tarturus was hell hell like burning people doing tasks that never see and end and the underworld was more of a big room where the dead roamed. Just to clarify.

My point is that maybe, possibly, people created a story that gave people hope of being happy someday. All it would take is some one to say "if you pray to them and believe when you do die you'll go to heaven where the women out number the men and everyone is happy" That's not very far fetched and could have happened. Who am I to know whether or not if it's true? I really don't know so I can’t make a rational decision to say that that he is real.

Often in those times they looked to inhumane reasons to rationalize natural disasters. Like the fight where Zeus battled Kronos, his father, for Olympia. There have been studies that prove that around the time of that myth a real life volcano erupted which produced roughly 40 Hiroshima’s. We as a people often try to explain things by placing blame on the godly. It’s just who we are. I'm not as naive though. I recognize that things happen in the world and that's that.

A whole other notion to ponder is the subject of chance. If there is a god who is to say that Christ’s god is the right one. I would be leaving my after life up to chances so I would rather bow out than place myself in the line of fire. Of all the religions in the world who’s to say which one is truly the right one?
Then the fact that it's the cause of maybe 85percent of all wars. People fight, kill, and die for something that is not proved 100percent to be true. I understand bad things happening because how else would the world go on. We would over populate if no one ever died. I can except that but not when a man says just believe in him and he will show you.
I tried to ask questions but all I ever get is "believe with out seeing". I tried to explain this to my mother and the best I could muster was the best I could stupefy to in laymen terms. It's like me walking into a room, your holding a gun, she's on the floor dead, and you tell me that you didn’t do it. All the evidence is pointing to you. But you tell me to believe what you say is the truth without really knowing if you did it or not. I can’t just put something’s aside. I have to know or I’m not going to just believe.
You see my confliction? The dilemmas I’m faced with?